[He gets it. Noting her discomfort, he lingers at a distance close-by, giving her her space.]
Yes it's me and well... Not really. My dreams - well, more like bad memories, really - were rather overwhelming. Some good, some bad, all that I could not wake up from. How long was I out?
Sure. I'll get us both a drink and meet you back here.
[Steve heads out for the dining hall, getting there by muscle memory alone, barely seeing the hallway. Only a few weeks yet it felt like several lifetimes had passed. The dreams were a jumbled mess, as dreams tended to be. Alternate paths he might've taken, possibilities of what could've happened.
He felt a strange kind of helpless anxiety now. There wasn't anything he could do about his bad choices while he was here.
Steve downs one glass, refills it, gets one for Nadja, and returns to the fancy room.]
[By this time, Nadja manages to pull herself together, doing her hair up and coming out in a simple (for her) dress and gown. She settles next to Steve on the couch, reaching for his hand and squeezing it gently]
Hello, my sweet sweet baby. You seem troubled. Tell me what's on your mind?
[She'll find her glass of blood on the nightstand; he wasn't sure about seating arrangements when he'd entered. His own he still holds, now with one hand, tapping at it with his fingers. He sighs, looking away from the vague middle distance back to her. He squeezes her hand, thankful for the encouragement.]
Well. I wish I could say I'd slept peacefully, that those whole three weeks were like a nap. But it was like a mini-flood in my head. Not... not the water kind, but the Barge variety. It was like I was watching my own life flash before me...
[He stops, presses his lips together. This was more of a difficult description than he thought.]
[He finishes off his drink, sets the cup aside, and turns to her, placing his other hand atop hers.]
Okay, good to know I'm not alone in this. The dreams were about different paths in life I might've taken. What if I'd never become a vampire. What if I'd saved Russell before his death? What if I hadn't been captured--or, better yet, hadn't betrayed Eric? Just lots of...
[There really wasn't a better way of saying it.]
...mistakes I've made. How I might've acted differently.
[Nadja sighs, a little. She too has a few regrets in her life]
Well, one mistake you can undo when you go home is to not die, and learn how to be a better vampire and protect yourself and your loved ones better. It is too late for Russell but I don't think he was such a good influence on you, to tell a little secret. He seemed very much like the Baron in that way.
You will find someone else. Someone you love very much. And if it is truly meant to be, perhaps Russell will reincarnate in the body of another. This is a power I have seen.
[Steve nods, accepting her words. Baby vampires weren't given much of a chance, to say nothing of his unusual circumstances.]
That's... fair. I know he wasn't the best kind of person. We met each other at very, very strange times in our lives.
And I don't know about reincarnation, maybe that's just something in your world. Seems like anytime I care about someone, they end up dead.
[He sighs.] You wanna what know the worst thing about waking up was? I basically got a crash course in how I screwed my life up and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't go back and fix anything there. I'm already dead and forgotten to the few people who even still cared about me.
[Nadja makes a sympathetic noise, and reaches over to pull Steve into a hug]
I am sorry no one in your world sees how wonderful and special you are, Steve.
And you might be right; there is no undoing our past mistakes. I think what we can do is try to have you build your own little community of people who will treat you with love and care and deep respect.
People like Russell rule out of fear. Is that what you want, my little dove?
[Steve moves eagerly into that hug, embracing her warmly. It feels like they've known each other for so long, and yet, not long enough. He eases away at the end, moving to hold her hands again as she speaks.]
If you had found me barely a year ago? I would've said yes. That guy would've ruled any way he could. But since being here? I've realized that I don't want to rule at all. I would be happy with just existing once again.
But not here, not like this. Monotonous boredom underlined by existential dread. Constantly worrying about the next... I don't know, warp to an alien attack, or transported to a doomtrain. This place isn't any way to live.
Ruling is so...I don't know, exhausting. Sometimes the older vampires get it into their heads, but the best thing to do I think, is to follow what you want.
So I think, do you want to return to your world is the first question you have to ask yourself. And if not, where would you wish to go otherwise? There's a whole universe of possibilities for you, it's all very exciting.
[He glances away at the question, smiling a little.]
Well, as you said, limitless possibilities. I could go back to my world, a different country, reinvent myself, find someone new to spend a lifetime with. I think that'd be nice.
[Steve looks back to her.]
I could even go to your world. I think I could fit in. Except the no mirrors thing, that's a dealbreaker for me. [Even as he jokes, he looks fondly at her.] If and when the Admiral sends me away, what will you do? I don't think I ever asked what your 'deal' was.
[Nadja gives a chuckle, pleased that Steve would want to come and stay with them. She relaxes, settling into the couch beside him]
I think you would fit in very nicely. Vampires are not out in the open, not like in your world, but we manage very well. You could be introduced to different vampires, keep a familiar if you like.
[at the mention of her deal, Nadja looks a little sad and worried]
Well, I think I would die if you left before you were ready. My deal is for us to live. You see, we, all three of us - Nandor and Laszlo and myself - were sentenced to die. We were in this big well, waiting for the sun to come in and burn us to death.
[her grip tightens briefly as she recalls Steve going through that brutal death himself]
[He winces at the idea of not being known to the world. There'd been enough of that his whole life. Going back in the closet/coffin... yeah, no, that's another dealbreaker. Back to his own world, then.
He looks genuinely surprised and hurt at Nadja's circumstances.]
I wouldn't want you or anyone to suffer that fate as I did. You and Laszlo are like the best Makers I could've asked for. More than that, seeing you two so in love after so long together... It really is inspiring.
[There's bloody tears welling up. Would he remember them? He hopes so.]
Nadja, I think I'm ready to leave here. Go back home and, well. Maybe I can't fix my mistakes, but I can make sure I don't repeat them.
[Nadja takes a handkerchief and begins to wipe up some of Steve's tears, pressing it into his hand afterwards]
We do love each other very much. I hope you will find someone who loves you just as much as Laszlo loves me.
[she gives a worried intake of breath, reaching out to Steve to stroke his face in motherly concern]
So soon? I mean, yes, that's wonderful. But I worry that there's still so much to teach you about the world, about staying safe and avoiding all those arseholes who want to do you harm.
...But I think all the advice I have won't be good for you in a world where people already know about us.
[The tears don't pool enough to leave streaks on his cheeks, but the handkerchief is appreciated. Godric's voice comes to mind 'No tears, Steve Newlin'. He was leaving behind his second family, but gaining freedom. It really wasn't a fair trade.]
Please don't think that way, Nadja. Your advice is great for any type of world. You and Godric really helped me get through that really, really bad week I was having. Having been the literal poster boy for the anti-vampire agenda? I can promise you, zealous humans can be too creative at times.
I think... I think that'll help me. I know how they think.
[He considers for a second.] If you get your deal, would you come back here for Laszlo on the ship, or stay with him in your world?
[She gives a warm smile back, touched that he's grateful for her help]
Well, then. You go back and you show those humans what you can do and what you have learned.
Hmn?
Oh, I...hadn't thought about that. I think I would probably stay here to make sure he was all right. Even though I would have my deal, the Admiral can be very tricky sometimes and who knows how long it would be before he lets my Laszlo go? I cannot abandon my husband at his lowest point.
That's good. I can't pretend to know him very well, but from what glimpses I've seen in alternate dimensions? He seems like the kind of person to stagnate if left to his own devices. That or go insane and cause complete havoc. Either option wouldn't be great.
[A certain terrible attempt at being a "normal human bartender" springs to mind. It's on the very tip of his tongue to mention it. But, he doesn't. Best to leave on good terms.]
I'm sure I would be. Unfortunately, I won't be around to see that.
[Which, speaking of...]
Well. I think I should get back to my own cabin. Air out the dust that I'm sure has built up in my absence.
[For once, he's thankful he doesn't have any pets.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yes it's me and well... Not really. My dreams - well, more like bad memories, really - were rather overwhelming. Some good, some bad, all that I could not wake up from. How long was I out?
no subject
Only a few weeks, precious one. Here, why don't you go have a seat in the fancy room? I will be out momentarily when I am decent.
no subject
[Steve heads out for the dining hall, getting there by muscle memory alone, barely seeing the hallway. Only a few weeks yet it felt like several lifetimes had passed. The dreams were a jumbled mess, as dreams tended to be. Alternate paths he might've taken, possibilities of what could've happened.
He felt a strange kind of helpless anxiety now. There wasn't anything he could do about his bad choices while he was here.
Steve downs one glass, refills it, gets one for Nadja, and returns to the fancy room.]
no subject
Hello, my sweet sweet baby. You seem troubled. Tell me what's on your mind?
no subject
Well. I wish I could say I'd slept peacefully, that those whole three weeks were like a nap. But it was like a mini-flood in my head. Not... not the water kind, but the Barge variety. It was like I was watching my own life flash before me...
[He stops, presses his lips together. This was more of a difficult description than he thought.]
Do you dream when you sleep, Nadja?
no subject
[she strokes his hand, holding it in both her own]
Can you be more specific please? What was the dream about?
no subject
Okay, good to know I'm not alone in this. The dreams were about different paths in life I might've taken. What if I'd never become a vampire. What if I'd saved Russell before his death? What if I hadn't been captured--or, better yet, hadn't betrayed Eric? Just lots of...
[There really wasn't a better way of saying it.]
...mistakes I've made. How I might've acted differently.
no subject
[Nadja sighs, a little. She too has a few regrets in her life]
Well, one mistake you can undo when you go home is to not die, and learn how to be a better vampire and protect yourself and your loved ones better. It is too late for Russell but I don't think he was such a good influence on you, to tell a little secret. He seemed very much like the Baron in that way.
You will find someone else. Someone you love very much. And if it is truly meant to be, perhaps Russell will reincarnate in the body of another. This is a power I have seen.
no subject
That's... fair. I know he wasn't the best kind of person. We met each other at very, very strange times in our lives.
And I don't know about reincarnation, maybe that's just something in your world. Seems like anytime I care about someone, they end up dead.
[He sighs.] You wanna what know the worst thing about waking up was? I basically got a crash course in how I screwed my life up and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't go back and fix anything there. I'm already dead and forgotten to the few people who even still cared about me.
no subject
[Nadja makes a sympathetic noise, and reaches over to pull Steve into a hug]
I am sorry no one in your world sees how wonderful and special you are, Steve.
And you might be right; there is no undoing our past mistakes. I think what we can do is try to have you build your own little community of people who will treat you with love and care and deep respect.
People like Russell rule out of fear. Is that what you want, my little dove?
no subject
If you had found me barely a year ago? I would've said yes. That guy would've ruled any way he could. But since being here? I've realized that I don't want to rule at all. I would be happy with just existing once again.
But not here, not like this. Monotonous boredom underlined by existential dread. Constantly worrying about the next... I don't know, warp to an alien attack, or transported to a doomtrain. This place isn't any way to live.
no subject
Ruling is so...I don't know, exhausting. Sometimes the older vampires get it into their heads, but the best thing to do I think, is to follow what you want.
So I think, do you want to return to your world is the first question you have to ask yourself. And if not, where would you wish to go otherwise? There's a whole universe of possibilities for you, it's all very exciting.
no subject
Well, as you said, limitless possibilities. I could go back to my world, a different country, reinvent myself, find someone new to spend a lifetime with. I think that'd be nice.
[Steve looks back to her.]
I could even go to your world. I think I could fit in. Except the no mirrors thing, that's a dealbreaker for me. [Even as he jokes, he looks fondly at her.] If and when the Admiral sends me away, what will you do? I don't think I ever asked what your 'deal' was.
no subject
I think you would fit in very nicely. Vampires are not out in the open, not like in your world, but we manage very well. You could be introduced to different vampires, keep a familiar if you like.
[at the mention of her deal, Nadja looks a little sad and worried]
Well, I think I would die if you left before you were ready. My deal is for us to live. You see, we, all three of us - Nandor and Laszlo and myself - were sentenced to die. We were in this big well, waiting for the sun to come in and burn us to death.
[her grip tightens briefly as she recalls Steve going through that brutal death himself]
Such an awful way to go.
no subject
He looks genuinely surprised and hurt at Nadja's circumstances.]
I wouldn't want you or anyone to suffer that fate as I did. You and Laszlo are like the best Makers I could've asked for. More than that, seeing you two so in love after so long together... It really is inspiring.
[There's bloody tears welling up. Would he remember them? He hopes so.]
Nadja, I think I'm ready to leave here. Go back home and, well. Maybe I can't fix my mistakes, but I can make sure I don't repeat them.
no subject
We do love each other very much. I hope you will find someone who loves you just as much as Laszlo loves me.
[she gives a worried intake of breath, reaching out to Steve to stroke his face in motherly concern]
So soon? I mean, yes, that's wonderful. But I worry that there's still so much to teach you about the world, about staying safe and avoiding all those arseholes who want to do you harm.
...But I think all the advice I have won't be good for you in a world where people already know about us.
no subject
Please don't think that way, Nadja. Your advice is great for any type of world. You and Godric really helped me get through that really, really bad week I was having. Having been the literal poster boy for the anti-vampire agenda? I can promise you, zealous humans can be too creative at times.
I think... I think that'll help me. I know how they think.
[He considers for a second.] If you get your deal, would you come back here for Laszlo on the ship, or stay with him in your world?
no subject
Well, then. You go back and you show those humans what you can do and what you have learned.
Hmn?
Oh, I...hadn't thought about that. I think I would probably stay here to make sure he was all right. Even though I would have my deal, the Admiral can be very tricky sometimes and who knows how long it would be before he lets my Laszlo go? I cannot abandon my husband at his lowest point.
possible canon update for Nadja?
That's good. I can't pretend to know him very well, but from what glimpses I've seen in alternate dimensions? He seems like the kind of person to stagnate if left to his own devices. That or go insane and cause complete havoc. Either option wouldn't be great.
haa potentially!
He's very capable, my Laszlo. You would be surprised how well he gets on by himself.
i look forward to it either way!
I'm sure I would be. Unfortunately, I won't be around to see that.
[Which, speaking of...]
Well. I think I should get back to my own cabin. Air out the dust that I'm sure has built up in my absence.
[For once, he's thankful he doesn't have any pets.]
Re: i look forward to it either way!
Come here first, I want to smush your little face. My wonderful killer.